just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
