she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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