So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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