Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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