Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Can you bring me the toilet please
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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