I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
