i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
