Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
