definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
