A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
