it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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