Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
