It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
