Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
