he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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