how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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