Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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