PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
