Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
