With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
