let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
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