Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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