Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
