he wants to bone in the snuggie
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
