Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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