dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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