For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
