If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
