I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
