I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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