This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
