What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
