I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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