So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
