you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
