I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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