I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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