she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
