Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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