Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
