It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
