At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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