I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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