I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
