i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
you never un-have a 4some
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize
