That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize