If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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