I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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