i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Green mimosas i think yes
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Randomize
