ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
