Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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