One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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