His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
