He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Randomize
