So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
