he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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