My sheets look like a crime scene.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
