we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
