She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
