I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I puked a lego.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
