So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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