She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
