Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I am naked and annoyed.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
