It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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