scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
