he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize