the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
