I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
