Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
