Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
