Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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